I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
