im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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