i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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