he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
