i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
