just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
