she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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