There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize