Where did you get a picture of my penis
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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