my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
