how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
