Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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