Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
