Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
