eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
These tits shall not be calmed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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