So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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