This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize