Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
