your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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