fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cockslap morals
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
