Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
