I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
