soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
