she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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