i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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