You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
