That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
