hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
