they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
