I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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