I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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