I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
