I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
