So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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