Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
