I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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