brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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