yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
