why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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