Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
