i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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