I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
