Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
