Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
