According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
