When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
