why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
