Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
People in love make me want to vomit
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
