It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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