Small penises have feelings too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
