so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When are your genitals available?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
