I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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