God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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