so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
