the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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