Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
