I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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