I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
