I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
