Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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