apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize