My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
