Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
