Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also, beer. Big fan.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
