Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
