Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
