All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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