...so i touched it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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