Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize