Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.