Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.