i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it