I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
