Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
