It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
